Why You’re Not Starting Over
The Truth about what progress really looks like in midlife
You don’t need a clean slate. You need a clearer lens.🔎
If you’ve ever said, “I was doing so well, and then I blew it,” I want you to hear me right now:
You. Are. Not. Starting. Over.
You might feel like you’re back at square one, but you’re not. Not even close. What you’re doing now is picking up the thread and continuing the story. And even if it feels like you’re stuck in the same old habits, the truth is, you’re coming back around with a lot more information, insight, and knowledge than before.
That matters.
Let me walk you through why.
You. Are. Not. Starting. Over.
What’s Different This Time (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It)
Sure, you might be on a familiar journey, but your shoes are definitely better this time around. Here’s what really sets you apart now:
🟢 You pick up on your patterns a lot quicker.
🟢 You can tell when you’re starting to hold yourself back.
🟢 You’ve got some good habits in place (even if they seem small).
🟢 You understand what clicks for you—and what doesn’t.
🟢 You’re more open to adjusting your course instead of just giving up.
That’s not nothing. That’s real progress.
Even if you’ve gone through this cycle over and over, you’re not in the same spot now—emotionally, mentally, or physically. You’ve gained insights. And you’ve let go of some old habits, too.
Why You Feel Like You’re Starting Over (But Aren’t)
Our brains love patterns. And unfortunately, diet culture taught most of us to think in very rigid ones:
- 🔀”I was either on track or off.”
- 🔀”I’m either doing it perfectly or I’ve failed.”
- 🔀”If I messed up once, I might as well start fresh on Monday.”
Related reading: You Didn’t Just Fall Off the Wagon
Sound familiar?
It’s the all-or-nothing trap. And midlife doesn’t always play nice with that kind of thinking.
You’re juggling more. Energy looks different. Your body is changing. And life keeps happening—travel, caregiving, hormone shifts, sleep issues, job demands, stress… the list goes on.
So when you hit a bump, your brain goes, “Welp, that’s it—we have to start all over again.” But that’s old wiring talking.
The truth is, you’re not rebooting from zero. You’re restarting from experience.
If you’ve been stuck in that cycle of shame, this Brené Brown TED talk on shame and vulnerability is a must-watch. She reminds us that shame never leads to lasting change—and self-compassion is far more powerful.
Let’s Change the Language
The words you use matter. So instead of saying:
- ❌”I’m starting over, again.”
Try:
- ☑️”I’m starting from experience.”
- ☑️”I’m resuming with more clarity.”
- ☑️”I’m picking up the thread.”
- ☑️”I’m honoring my next step.”
This is about identity. You’re not building a new version of yourself from scratch. You’re reinforcing the foundation that’s already there.
You don’t need a clean slate. You just need willingness and curiosity.
Baby Steps: 3 Things to Try When You Feel Like You’ve “Fallen Off”
Here’s what I recommend when that old “start over” mindset creeps in:
1. Find One Small Reconnection Point
What’s one thing you were doing that felt good? Not perfect—just good. Go do that.
- ✅Track your next snack without judgment.
- ✅Walk around the block.
- ✅Fill up your water bottle.
2. Name What You’ve Learned
Grab a piece of paper and write:
“Because of the last few weeks, I now know…”
Finish that sentence. It might surprise you.
3. Do the 2-Minute Identity Match
Ask yourself: What would the woman I want to become do next—for just two minutes? Then do that. No fanfare. No punishment. Just a small act of alignment.
You Haven’t Blown It. You’re Building It.
Every time you pause—even briefly—to come back to your goals, you strengthen the identity of a woman who returns to herself.
And THAT is the real transformation.
You’re not starting over. You’re moving forward—with more experience, more resilience, and more self-compassion than ever before.
Keep going.
Related reading: James Clear on Identity-Based Habits
💾 Want a printable version of this to keep handy?
Download the 1-page “You’re Not Starting Over” Reset Guide—a quick reference for when you feel like you’ve fallen off track (you haven’t).
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