Meet Your Inner PR Team: You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself to Change

The Shocking Truth About Beliefs

I remember exactly where I was when I first read Jonathan Haidt’s The Happiness Hypothesis and came across the sentence that blew my mind:

“The emotional tail wags the rational dog.”

Wait. WHAT?

You mean I don’t actually come to my beliefs through logic and reason? That I feel something first and then make up a reason to justify it?

Yep. That’s what the research says. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Our unconscious mind (what Haidt calls “the elephant”) makes the first call. Then our conscious mind (“the rider”) scrambles to explain it. Think of it like a press secretary who gets a breaking news alert about a decision that was already made and now has to put a spin on it to make it sound smart and intentional. That’s your Inner PR Team.

And they’re working overtime.

Let’s Meet the Team

Your inner PR team is not out to sabotage you. They just have one job: make you make sense to yourself. Their tools? Justification, rationalization, storytelling.

You skip your walk. They say:

“You didn’t get enough sleep. You need to rest. Besides, it looks like it might rain.”

You eat three cupcakes 🧁 standing over the sink. They chime in:

“It’s been a stressful day. You’ve been so good lately. This is self-care.”

You cancel your gym membership. They say:

“You weren’t going anyway, and you hate crowds. You can just do stuff at home.”

You’re not crazy or weak. You just have a REALLY good PR team.

This Isn’t Bad News; It’s the Key to Everything

Here’s the part that made me sit up straight:

If our reasoning often comes after the decision—after the craving, the choice, the instinct—then fighting the reasoning is like yelling at the news anchor for reporting the news.

In fact, psychology researchers have shown that we often create explanations to justify our beliefs after we’ve already formed them emotionally. A review of Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind offers a great overview of why we do this, and how it’s less about logic and more about identity and emotion.

That’s your inner PR team in action.

You don’t need to argue with your thoughts. You need to understand the forces that shaped them.

And that’s where curiosity comes in.

Instead of Arguing With Yourself, Try Asking Different Questions

• “What if this isn’t a character flaw? What if it’s a protective pattern?”
• “What was I actually feeling right before I opened the fridge again?”
• “If my unconscious was trying to keep me safe… what did it think I needed protecting from?”

These questions open doors instead of slamming them shut. They move you out of judge-and-jury mode and into a more compassionate, observational role.

Funny (and Painfully Real) Examples of the PR Team in Action

• 🏋🏻‍♂️You buy a set of resistance bands and never open the box. PR says: “Well, you needed them in case you couldn’t get to the gym. It’s smart to have options.”
• 🤳You scroll for 90 minutes instead of going to bed. PR says: “You needed downtime. Besides, you were learning stuff on Instagram.”
• 🤗You don’t go for your walk because your leggings didn’t feel right. PR says: “Comfort is key. You’ll enjoy it more tomorrow when your good pair is clean.”

We don’t do these things because we’re lazy or major-league procrastinators. We do them because our elephant🐘 is reacting to emotion, habit, energy, fear. And the rider, also known as your PR team, is just doing its job: keeping the narrative together.

But You Can Change the Script

Here’s where it gets exciting. You can start rewriting your internal press releases.

You don’t need to fire your PR team. Just need to stop believing every memo they publish.

Start noticing the stories:

😭“I can’t lose weight after 50.”

❌“I’m not a consistent person.”

🥳“I always blow it on the weekends.”

Then ask:

If your PR team is working off a script that was written in 1994 by a stressed-out version of you trying to survive a diet culture cyclone… it might be time for a rewrite.

A Simple Practice to Try This Week

Grab a journal or open a voice note. Try this 3-step curiosity exercise:

1. Name a belief you keep bumping into (“I can’t track calories,” “I’m bad at sticking to plans”).
2. Ask: “If my inner PR team came up with that belief to make sense of something, what might that something be?”
3. Get curious: What would I try if I didn’t have to explain myself at all?

Example:
Belief: “I can’t be trusted around cookies.”

Let’s say you tell yourself, “I’ll have two cookies after dinner.” But at 3:00 p.m., you keep finding yourself sneaking to the freezer for one. Then another. Then… oops.

Your PR team kicks in:

“Well, you skipped lunch, you need energy. You’re just balancing your blood sugar. You deserve something sweet anyway.”

Instead of judging, pause and ask:

• What was I actually feeling before I went to the freezer?
• Was I bored? Restless? Anxious about something I didn’t want to deal with?
• What does my elephant think the cookie is solving?

Now ask: “If I didn’t have to explain myself or stick to a rigid rule… what would feel kind and aligned right now?”

Maybe it’s taking five deep breaths and checking in. Perhaps it’s setting the cookies on a plate and sitting down to actually enjoy two. Or, maybe just texting a friend, getting outside, or drinking a big glass of water first.

It’s not about controlling the elephant. It’s about noticing what it’s reacting to, and offering something better.

This little exercise creates space. And space is where change lives.

The Takeaway: Don’t Fire the PR Team. Just Stop Letting Them Run the Show.

You’re not at war with yourself. You’re just listening to one part of you a little too closely.

Curiosity isn’t weakness. It’s power.

And your beliefs? They’re not fixed. They’re PR spin.

When you stop needing to explain everything, you make room to experience something new.

That’s where transformation begins.

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